June 23, 2009 EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT DATELINE: TRAGIC VALLEY News agencys from around the nation have thrown a DRAGNET over the VALLEY. DUMP-TA-DUMP-DUMP---DUMP-TA-DUMP-DUMP----DUMP! My name is WHO and me and my picture taker JOE work the first shift out in the valley but never on Fridays. Marital LAW has ben declared because of all the kicking and screaming. Elements of the storied 10th MOUNTAIN Division has now occupied the high ground of our mountain range. This is to keep the locals from using them as Observation post. So what is causing all the riots to break out in the Valley? It seams that the govment some time back approved the burying of dead flys. This took place at one of our good neighbors farms near a state hwy. Now it turns out that you can't drank or bath in the water. The crowds are chanting water water every ware and not a drop to drank we cant take a bath and now we really stank. One sign red I NEVER LISTEN TO HEAVY MUSIC but I GOT METAL. Another man on the court square was reading is BIBLE and we herd him say AND THEY SHALL DIE IN A PULLUATED LAND. We saw several former and current officials getting in thar pickup trucks what were once new and headed out to thar hole in the ground to hide out until this thang BLOWS over. (may be the flys will help) WE stopped a man in Sig Bandy and ask him his thoughts on the matter. He tolds us that he had seen a HOUSE FLY and a HORSE FLY and even seen a DRAGON FLY and SANTAS (8)DEER FLY but he recond he ant never seen or heard of a ASH FLY. LAWSUITS ARE ON THE WAY and HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL. JACKSON is turning over in his grave because we didn't use his LAW! WHO CARES, reporting March 1, 2010 QUESTION OF THE WEAK: Have ya noticed The word jobs poping up must be election time? TRAGIC VALLEY COURTHOUSE The Tragic Valley Puppet mayor dun went and saved the valley. Yep he be the one that applied for grants and bought us jobs, jobs, jobs. You no thems jobs he promised us. At least he be a boy that wont lie to ya a tall. Read More... February 21, 2010 QUESTION OF THE WEAK: Say recond how far below the bottom can a valley go when compared to other valleys? Well we folks what lives in T. Valley noes that a storm is a brewing. Yep that thar bunch what runs the dump is trying to gets us an up dated version of the puppet mayor. You noes one with know strings. Read More... February 12, 2010 QUESTION OF THE WEAK: Why is it that this hear Valley don't need no food for thought? TRAGIC VALLEY COURTHOUSE Well lordy be the PUPPET Mayor dun went an did him a news release. "Yes, I be bes da one that what formed the SPLINTER group. Yep I is the daddy of thems being so many running in the mayors race." Read More... Copyright © 2009 Tragic Valley News - All rights reserved.